The Last Chapter

I’m scared.

I’m scared to leave the ship. This old traditional ship, where I have spent the last 200 days of my life. From hopefully more than 90 years that I may look forward to having I’m sure that doesn’t sound too much, but they don’t say: “one day on sea are three days on land” for fun.  The 50 people, who in the beginning I didn’t know at all, have become a family to me, and the big old ship another home. But then why am I afraid? Before the journey started, I was often asked: “Aren’t you scared that the ship could sink in a big storm in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean, where nobody can help you? Exploring new countries where you don’t know anybody?? Or even to fall out of the rigg???” Old fears that I should have had, shouldn’t I?

But no, I didn’t. We have been sailing through the Bay of Biscay and their storms, tried to find our way in Cuba with just a few words of Spanish, fought against the seasickness and did it, all of it. We arrived in the new world, climbed up the Barú, walked through the jungle in Panama, and sang at the Peter Café Sport as a shanty choir in front of a lot of people. I always knew that somebody would have my back when I’d be hanging over the reeling again. I always knew that I am safe. There was this subconscious trust in the Thor and the people without ever having been on a ship like this before. Just like the crew puts a lot of trust in us, I put my whole trust into the ship, and in them. And so, I was never scared on this journey.

So why now? Because now it’s over. Even this is the last English blog. I’m afraid of leaving the ship and with it all the people who have become a family to me. Nearly every day I saw them, talked to them, or heard their voices, laughed about funny insiders, or worked together with them. And of course, we also had some differed opinions and a lot of stressful days when you just wanted to sleep. But then you hear somebody scream “Dolphins on starboard” and your worries disappear. We have discussed a lot, solved difficult problems, and become one big crew with a lot of power. So how am I supposed to simply swich my everyday life here with the one back home? Swich the beautiful sun rises, the sunsets and the purple sky against the rainy clouds in Germany? So yes, I’m scared for a reason.

But luckily, I have 49 other people who feel the exact same way. Friends who have the same fears and worries, but also share the same dreams. I have talked a lot with the ex-KUSis on board, like Lukas or Niklas and one quote is stuck in my head: “Just do it” (Niklas). Whether it’s another big journey, a meeting with the whole crew or even just coming back to the Thor. Now it’s a homecoming to Germany. But after some time maybe there can be a homecoming to the Thor.

So how do I feel now? I’m still scared. But I know that it’s not over. Being afraid is nothing bad and what will happen in the future? It’s the start of something new. The next chapter of my life – and who would be afraid of a change? I’m going to keep writing my own story, and who knows, maybe I’ll return. That’s what makes life so interesting, right? Nobody knows what comes next.